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Monday, July 23, 2012

The Journey to Luisa


Our latest packet of documents are headed to USCIS.  We received the full official, translated referral for Luisa last Thursday!  Now our I-800 is on its way to begin the last leg of our process.  Our travel time is not yet certain, though we SHOULD {ha!} have this baby girl in our arms by the end of September.

Now I want to share more of the story of our being led to Luisa.  It is so neat to look back and see how God knit it all together.  {Warning: transparency ahead!}

We first laid our eyes on Caroline on August 8th, 2008, or, as I like to point out, on 08/08/08.  As a mathematician {read: nerd}, I loved the symmetry of her birth date.

Little did we know that on 11/11/11, we would first lay eyes on our second daughter.

We had begun the adoption process four and a half years prior to this monumental date.  Thus far, our adoption journey had taken many different paths.  We began down a path that appeared to be straight, just the "right" length, and had a bouncing baby at the end.  Our first child.

A short time into the process, the path veered toward Caroline.  Now we were three traveling toward a younger sibling for her.  That path was a little too smooth, so we decided to go for a but more strenuous of a hike toward TWO siblings for her.  Then, when we discovered that this path had been blocked for us, we jumped back over to our stroll through the adoption woods.  Just me, Philip, and Caroline, walking down an admittedly longer-than-expected path toward a family of four.

Then, on 11/11/11, BAM.  Out of nowhere.  Who put a sheer wall of rock in the middle of our path?

On that date, I opened a seemingly innocent e-mail from our agency.  It was sent to all Colombia families.  They were searching for a forever family for a special little girl.  She had curly hair, the most AMAZING smile, and cerebral palsy.

But wait, God, that's not the path we chose.
You never have led us toward children with special needs!
We can't handle this.
We don't even know what CP is.
What will our families think?
Surely we can't afford the medical bills.
We can't ask Caroline to make the sacrifices that would be necessary.
We can't handle this.
But we want to homeschool. Can I homeschool a child with special needs?
What about traveling? We'd never be able to go hiking again.
We can't handle this.
We have a two-story house.
Does CP involve mental delays?
We can't handle this.

The next several months were truly an emotional roller coaster for me.  We were so drawn to this little girl with the big grin.  We got more information from Luisa's doctors.  We consulted with doctors and therapists here.  Talked to our insurance agency.  Sought guidance from a few wise friends.  Cried a lot.  Prayed.  Researched.  Tried to not read WebMD.  Met with a CP specialist.  Spoke with other families that had children with CP.  Read some more.  Cried some more.  Prayed some more.

Finally, I realized that we CAN'T do this.

But God.

Of course.

He is able.  In fact, His strength is made perfect in our weakness.

And then we were able to see clearly.  All of our doubts were really just opportunities to glorify Him.

Do we want to be walking a path of our choosing, or of His?
We aren't being led to special needs adoption.  We are being led to Luisa.
He can handle this.
We live in the midst of a phenomenal medical community.
Our families are amazing.
He can handle this.
Philip has a great job with great insurance.  Also, our Father owns the world.
Caroline is an outrageously gentle and caring kid.  She will rock at being a big sis to a child with special needs. 
He can handle this.
We always said we'd choose homeschooling versus traditional school year by year, kid by kid.
Maybe we won't hike.  There is plenty else to see in the world.
He can handle this.
We'll carry her up these stairs.  Or get a new house.
She'll be our daughter.  Whatever challenges she may face, we'll love her without question.
He can handle this.

And so, on February 6, 2012, it was with great joy and a little trembling that we informed our case worker that we did indeed want to pursue the adoption of Luisa.  

I love that God chooses to illustrate to us heavenly relationships through earthly ones.  Earthly adoption is such a beautiful picture of our own adoption by the Father.  I am so thankful that He did not struggle with the choice to welcome me as His daughter that way I did with Luisa.  His list of reservations about me could have filled many blog posts.  

But God.  

Two of my favorite words.  

continued here...


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